Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Interject Real Life
This isn't about my weight loss at all but I feel the need this morning to interject some real life.
"What is it about love that makes us so stupid". This is a line from one of my favorite movies, Under the Tuscan Sun. It's not something that I've thought about much but, because of yesterday, it keeps running through my mind.
I spent a total of over three hours on the phone yesterday with my highly intelligent, mature and well put together daughter listening to her cry and cry and cry over a breakup. A breakup over someone she has been dating three months.
A couple of years ago she broke up with a boyfriend that she had dated for two years. It was a very unhealthy relationship and I was glad it was over. She, on the other hand, was devastated. She cried and cried and cried. I understood because, after all, they had dated a long time and she was young.
This current breakup, however, has me stumped. HOW could she be SO heartbroken over this boy. Honestly, I've met the boy and he didn't have a whole lot to offer. HOW can my mature, highly intelligent, balanced daughter have fallen so hard for someone who from all I could see wasn't that interested in her in the first place?
My daughter is an analytical thinker. She has this insatiable need to understand things. When it comes to calculated things such as math, statistics, etc. she is brilliant. When it comes to human behavior she is stumped. (She aces her college math and yet has trouble with management) This characteristic leads her to engage in what some see (especially the ex boyfriends) in clingy and sometimes stalker type behavior. She can't let them go until she understands why they broke up with her.
In this particular case she saw he removed their relationship from "facebook". A highly immature thing to put there in the first place (his idea) but none the less, when she saw he removed it she called him. Why? What would it accomplish? Not a thing, and yet, her insatiable need to understand his behavior forced her to call him.
During our conversations yesterday statements were made such as "driving by his house", texting him, talking to him, etc. These I highly discouraged. I asked her to stop and think what any of these actions would accomplish. Whether in the long run good or harm would be done. Would she feel better or worse. Would she be exhibiting dignity or desperation. I just don't know, though. In the throws of emotional chaos anything can happen.
As with all breakups she has experienced, the boy wants to remain friends. This, of course, is to try to make himself feel better. This also results in mixed signals of texting, talking to in public (only if he initiates though. If she initiates she's clingy) and, a casual invite to eat with other friends.
Truth be told, this is unfair to her. She is trying to get a clear idea of where they stand and while it is only unclear to her, it is still unclear in her mind and she wants to understand...bring in the stalker behavior.
This is why the statement "what is it about love that makes us so stupid" has rung true in my world this week.
The good part is that once she is over the emotional period her intellect will kick in and she'll start to see and understand better what happened and realize he was not good for her. She'll learn the lessons she's learned and try really hard not to repeat them. And, hopefully, be more cautious about giving her heart away so quickly next time.